चर्बी : उर्जा का वैकल्पिक स्रोत

Fats : Alternative Source of Energy :

मोटापा अब अभिशाप नहीं ! स्वास्थ, खेल, श्रम और बिजली मंत्रालयों के मिलेजुले प्रयासों  फलस्वरूप अब शहरी मोटे लोगो के लिए एक अच्छी खबर है | सनद रहे पिछली जनगणना के मुताबिक देश में शहरों में मोटे लोगो की संख्या में लगातार वृद्धी हुई है और इसके आगे भी यूँ ही बढने के आसार हैं ! इसका मुख्य कारण निज जीवन में ज्यादा मशीनी उपभोग , दिनरात  टेलीविजन पे सीरियल्स देखना जो महिलाओं को "बड़े अच्छे लगते हैं" , सुबह शाम फास्ट फ़ूड का सेवन और शारीरिक श्रम से दूर होना हैं | जहाँ कभी लोग सुबह मीलो मार्निंग वाक या साईकिल चलाया करते थे वहीँ लोग आज अपने मुहल्ले के पार्क तक बाईक या कार से जाते हैं ! जो महिलाये कभी घर का झाड़ू पोछा ,साफ़ सफाई , खाना बनाना , कपडे धोना , इत्यादि खुद ही किया करती थी वहीँ आज इनकी वाशिंग मशीन और वक्युम क्लीनर इस्तेमाल करने के लिए भी मेड होती हैं ! जो पुरुष कभी छिप-छिपा कर घर इत्यादि का काम किया कर लिया करते थे वो आज इन्टरनेट ,फेसबुक ट्विटर पर खुल कर टाइम ख़राब करते हैं ! चार मंजिला मकानों में बिना लिफ्ट के जीना किसी सामाजिक शर्म से कम नहीं , किराने वाले आज कल  50 रुपए से कम का सामान भी घर पे फ्री होम डिलेवरी करते हैं जिससे लोगो का अपने पैरो से चलना फिरना और भी कम हो  गया है ! जी हाँ  गये वो दिन जब हमारी किताबो में इश्वर चन्द्र विद्यासागर लिखित "अपना कम स्वयम करें " जैसे पाठ हुवे थे |

M I T ( मुरैना इंस्टिट्यूट आफ टेकनोलोजी ) और सरकार की एक संयुक्त शोधकर्ता टीम ने पाया की मोटे और निहायती  आलसी लोग इक्कीसवी सदी के असली उर्जा स्रोत होंगे ! इसका विचार एक युवा को उस समय किल्क हुआ जब उसने अपने आफिस के ज़िम में एक मोटे व्यक्ति को ट्रेड मिल पर चलते हुवे देखा , अचानक बिजली गुल हो जाने पर वो बिजली चालित ट्रेड मिल की बेल्ट रुक गयी और मोटा सोना बेल्ट पहने व्यक्ति गिल्ट से भरा यूँ ही रुक गया  ! बस यही  क्षण उस युवा द्रष्टा (वैज्ञानिक) के यूरेका पल थे !  आँखों ही आँखों में युवा ने मोटे व्यक्ति को धन्यवाद किया और सांतवना देकर वहां से सीधे मेरठ की  बस पकड़ कर निकल लिया और वहां जाकर अपना पेपर प्रस्तुत किया !

इसके बाद शोधकर्ताओं ने  लगभग पॉँच हज़ार से ज़्यादा मोटे लोगो पर शोध में पाया कि लोगो में टनों चर्बी जमी है जो उर्जा का ही एक अन्य ठोस रूप है , जिसको शोधित कर विद्युत उर्जा में परिवर्तित किया जा सकता है ! उन्होने prototype के लिए  ट्रेड मिल और  ज़िम की स्थिर साईकिल (stationary cycles) को चुना , इन पर थोड़े बदलाव के बाद मोटर की जगह डायनामो लगा दिए गए ,अब चलाये जाने पर इनसे विद्युत उत्पादन निश्चित ही संभव था ! अनुमान से अधिक उत्पादन होने पर शोधकर्ताओं में उल्लास था , आनन् फानन में सरकार ने सभी निजी और सरकारी स्पोर्ट्स कोम्प्लेक्सेस , जिमो में इसी तरेह के बदलावों की मंजूरी दे दी है  | सिर्फ बडे शहरों के मोटे लोगो से सरकार हजारो मेगा वाट बिजली उत्पादन का अनुमान लगा रही है ! मोटे लोगो द्वारा ट्रेड मिल , साइकिलिंग और जम्पिंग से बिजली उत्पादन को मानवाधिकार आयोग की हरी झंडी मिलना लगभग तय है | स्वास्थ्य और श्रम विभाग पहले ही उत्साहित हैं !  जहाँ आज चारो तरफ परमाणु सयंत्रो(Nuclear plants) का घोर विरोध हो रहा है इस प्रकार के छोटे Fatty(चर्बी) उर्जा संयंत्र  इस दिशा में काफी किफायती साबित होंगे  ऐसा मानना है सबका |  

सरकार संसद के उमसकालीन सत्र में इसी सम्बंधित एक बिल पर विचार कर रही है जिसमे इस प्रकार उत्पादित बिजली के दाम , जिमो को उपकरणों की खरीद फरोख्त में सब्सिडी , प्रति यूनिट बिजली उत्पादन में मोटे लोगो की कमीशन , पतले हो जाने के बाद राष्ट्र सेवा मेडल , मोटे आलसी  स्वयंसेवक  छात्रों को स्कालरशिप , मोटे  सरकारी बाबुओं  और मोटी तोंद वाले पुलिस वालो को पतला होने पर प्रोमोशन गारंटी , जातिय आरक्षण व् अन्य लाभ !   बिलकुल सही समझा , अगर आप काफी खा-पी कर काफी मोटे और बेहद आलसी हो चुके हो और इस आत्म ग्लानी में जी  रहे हो  कि आपका ये सिक्स फ्लेब(six flab) शरीर अब किसी भी काम का नहीं तो आपको ज़रा-भी शर्मिंदा और घबराने की जरुरत नहीं  आप विद्युत उर्जा निर्माण (electric power generation ) में नव भारत को सहयोग दे सकते हैं  इससे पहले सरकार मोटे और आलसी लोगो की धर पकड़ शुरू करे आज ही अपने निकटतम जिम से अधिक जानकारी प्राप्त करे !

अभी अभी:  इस बारे में टीम अन्ना का कहना है सबसे पहले ऐसी मशीने संसद भवन में लगनी चाहियें ! हमारे देश की काफी उर्जा  हमारे  नेताओं के शरीरो में निहित है जिनमे अधिकतर का बी ऍम आई  ३०  के आसपास है ! ऐसे सब उर्जावान लोग लोकउर्जापाल बिल के नीचे आने चाहियें !


~ bd

Disclaimer:

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real experiences , real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Its just a wild imagination.

Best Practices : More effective ways to utilize office hours

....remember Ramesh’s  and Suresh’s work life in office? Here are some more secretes from Ramesh’s armory. These are well tested best practices which can be followed in office , specially if you are in IT or have access to basic amenities like computer, printer, mail room, canteen, phone, etc. For sure these gems will help you in utilizing your time efficiently and in loving what you do at work.

Don't you think it’s hilarious people like Suresh, never understand that there are so many ways to appear as a busiest hard worker on earth,  to impress your bosses without degrading personal health, personal life and personal values.And there is another category of flamboyant , multi threaded people like Ramesh who do so many thing but except work and live happy. What is acceptable or unacceptable at workplace, you got to decide this. Below is what I found from Ramesh’s.

By virtue of Technology:

• Do your computer's hard disks defragmentation  often.

• Install any of your preferred tool software which takes lots of time in installation and configuration. Earn some moments (hours) to relax.

• Run Windows/Office update every morning, possibly your machine/applications will not work as expected after that for the first time.

• Open some IT tickets, take backup of outlook/lotus notes  etc (Ask for a new keyboard, mouse, best is OS reinstall)

• Forward chain emails to your friends and their friends wait for their replies.  

• Play computer games over LAN.

• Pay all your bills online from office, credit card, Amex , phone bill, property tax , broadband etc. then take out printout of all such bills and their online receipts.

• Book Railways, Bus and Air ticket from office. You get the benefit of faster Internet connection and you save your precious time.

• Open DMAT account and do online trading during peak trading hours.

• Clean mouse’s base with any sharp object, for sure it will have some dust stuck to its base, and this friction is restricting your free movements.

• Not for forget Facebook , Google+ , Youtube , online news etc..

By virtue of IPR :

• Talk about the traffic jam at outer Ring-road or any such road near your office.

• Discuss new upcoming apartment project by new builders in Bangalore or India or may be in US.

• Design logo for your team’s T-shirt for some outbound activity, order T shirts and check your T-shirt sizes in office trial room. 

• Participate in every extracurricular activity in office.

• Starting Thursday, start planning for your weekend travel and engagements. Use office phone.

• Discuss your child’s progress over phone with your wife, use office phone.

• Talk to your local relatives from office phone.

• Use office Gym during office hours and stay healthy.

• Go to the farthest located hospital for checkup, during office time.

• Call LIC, Bank, and Investment planning agents and similar people like them in office during office hours and understand their policies.

• Complaint against food, transport , facilities, services , finance, HR , security and other support departments.

• Go outside for lunch everyday , call it team building activity.

• Receive posts , couriers , parcels at office address.

• Get your wrist injured while arm wrestling with another colleague (I met one of my old colleague last week, who had his right wrist wrapped in a brown colored bandage ).

Above is for sure not the complete list, there are definitely other useful keys. On behalf of Ramesh, thanks in advance if you share your observations and add them in the comments section below.  

~bd

Disclaimer:

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real experiences , real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Its just a wild imagination.


cartoons:

                                                        

Best Practices : Leaving Early Today

Ramesh and Suresh work in different projects in the same company. Ramesh is cheerful, though have health related issues always; but still enjoying his life, personal and professional both to the fullest.  Suresh on the other side is in a different project is good too, but as if, he is not enjoying life to its fullest. He takes useless things seriously and ignores the real ones. Ramesh falls sick very often but recovers very soon, Suresh never falls sick. He never takes any sick leave. Ramesh by the way, exhausts his quota of sick leaves in the very first quarter of the year itself , poor cheerful Ramesh. Ramesh wears spectacles, his eyes have power, though his eye sight is weak. Suresh’s eyes are 6/6, meaning, his optical sight is perfect but his logical sight not, it seems.  He cannot foresee things. So does he have dark circles too? Yes. 

Then what’s that keeping Ramesh so happy and Suresh so grumpy in office and at home, no apparent tangible differences. But there some are in reality.

Actually Ramesh spends comparatively 30% less time in office then Suresh each day. A behavioral study done over Ramesh and Suresh suggests that, this extra time spent by Suresh in the office was primary reason keeping Ramesh so happy ever youthful, even though Ramesh and Suresh are completely unrelated subjects. Ramesh and Suresh don’t even know each other’s existence. Key is -> every day , Ramesh's subconscious mind knows that it spent around 3 hours less time in office. So its his over conscious mind, makes sure that today he should behave very alert and smart in office. This alertness, asking obvious questions repeatedly attitude towards the boss made Ramesh a very smart and favored employee. On the similar lines, Suresh too gets rewarded every evening for his hard work but by new additional work, which is even harder. Ramesh knows reward of hard work is more hard work. And you think as if only Suresh gets the damn easy work. So now any help for Suresh ? The remote study done over Ramesh surprised everyone with his various foolproof tricks stored in his subconscious closet. It helped him lately in enjoying the evening life at home. The crux is in ,leave office early and show up late next morning without getting caught ever. So here are the tricks.

When leaving Office early:

 by virtue of arranged callbacks:

By 3:00 pm sms your wife to call you back right in the middle of some meeting. You act as there is something really very urgent that needs your presence at home.If your wife calls at your colleague's cell phone , asking for you and mentions that your phone is not reachable, is even better. This will add more weight in your dear wife’s emergency call. Your colleagues would surely feel that it’s a real life emergency. It cannot surely be planned. 

SMS your wife to switch off her phone or to take out the battery. So her phone will not be reachable. And you in office become worried and tensed, because your wife is not picking up the phone. Tell your boss that you had a little argument last night and this will scare your boss too.And he will call his wife too. For a double check ask your boss to keep dialing your wife’s phone number. While everyone trying your wife's number you leave for the day. Create other tricks with slight variations in objects and their roles.  

by virtue of sickness/illness

1.   Tell you are still sick, worked whole night for office from home; add you had a bad weekend. Cough loudly (make sure you are heard), sneeze loudly , ask your colleagues to touch your forehead if you have fever, rub your eyes till red color. Keep some medicines, cough syrup bottle, even old; empty ones, will give the desired look, on your desk, set all the environment variables.

2.     Mother in law fell in bathroom; so need to repair the bathroom and her to take to doctor for consultation this evening.

3.    Child has to get vaccination and wife is sick, double emotional attack.(no one counts vaccination terms so solid one.)

4.      You/your wife/kid/mother have Toothache, need to visit the dentist, root canal, tooth extraction (ugh)

5.    Going to receive ever sick mother- in- law at airport and then have hospital visit in evening. In one day advance discuss how your boss’s mother-in law is. This will concrete your claim and set environment.

6.     Call your teammates for the 3:00 pm tea at the cafeteria, suddenly a planned phone call from your sick wife and you give poor looks , run away asap from your team tea party; tell them while you are running  to tell the boss that your wife is sick and you left for the hospital/home/~movie.

7.    As you participated in corporate sports day, you still have problems with knee/ankle/toe /elbow/ back; so you need to go for X-Ray (Ouch)  MRI (o,God).  Now this one needs advance planning, walk lame in office, and tell everyone how you won the consolation prize in race last month and got injured.   Wear an extremely large visible bandage, apply some turmeric paste, and paint it yellow.            

      Don’t forget to spray smelly pungent ointment over it, allow every nose to smell your injured ankle. 

by virtue of Other errands...

1. Mason/Electrician/Painter/ LPG gas wala /Welder/Passport verification Officer/LIC agent/ Plumber/ coming in to look at problem in bathroom/kitchen/bedroom/store/etc....

2.  Need to pick Car/bike/Cycle from servicing workshop; otherwise you will come late tomorrow.

Remember in all of the above categories, don’t forget to make a promise to your boss that if possible you will be back in an hour or so, else you will check the mails from home…late night.  

When coming oFFicE late? 

1.     Bangalore/Noida/Delhi/Mumbai traffic sucks, explain how worse at one particular signal it was, it took you around 45 minutes to cross that and then traffic police stopped you.

2.    No water since last night in your apartment. Explain in detail, discuss kaveri river water  issue as well right there.

3.     You have motions, and was planning to take leave but still came to office (your boss will be happy) run to the restroom a few times every thirty minutes (but make sure you are seen by your boss) , be so lame that your boss offers you to drop at home, that’s a winner.

4.      Parents- Teacher’s meeting happened (every week) at this school.

5.      Electricity bill/Phone bill/Cable/Gas/Water/BBMP/Income Tax/Road Tax/Insurance/ etc took your time, then blame the large part of it on the traffic wherever you can.

6.      Maid didn’t show up today, wife not well, so you cooked breakfast and feed the kids.

7.    Theft incident took place in your apartment, you chased the thief till around 10K, explain that you were about to catch him but the cramp in your ankle (ouch), looks like you will leave early today.

8.      Someone snatched your wallet which had ATM card, credit card driving license etc, you chased him and got the wallet back.

9.      Snake or crocodile baby found in apartment’s kid’s park (it might be an earthworm or a lizard in reality) but you need to make up a story, get the hell out of your colleagues in the office, create an NGeo episode.

Some other good to follow secrets are…

1.   Always keep few files/folders/heavy books, manuals, research papers etc on your desk, around your desktop, it gives your desk a busy appearance, your co-workers at a first glance feel that you are already in and somewhere around , gone for break or something. 

2.   The moment you arrive in office, before login into your desktop, jump to your colleague’s desk, start any random discussion about the project as if you were thinking it whole night, and you are late because of the complexities in the implementation.

3.   Never ever feel sorry, ashamed and give clarifications unless you are asked for coming late.

4.  Always keep an extra jacket, sweater in office, hang it on the back of your chair as if you are already around and have just gone for coffee, or leave an old bag at desk, fill it with some useless papers. It means you have still not gone, you are around.

5.   Keep the status of your office communicator either always away/available/invisible/do not disturb. This won’t give others any hints about your actual state. If you’ve already left early, people will think you are coming back. Never ever send emails that you are leaving early most important.

There can exist many more such useful guidelines which have helped needy people in all situations, Its your comfort to choose one either like Ramesh or Suresh. But remember the quote “Leaving work early is like a present that you can open again and again”….. Anonymous

Please leave your comments (good oR bad ) else you can click on this Google's  +1  button , below.

~bd

Disclaimer & Thanks :Names are really fictitious; these two names are one of those with whom I never worked in past 7 years, still all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, experiences, living or dead is purely coincidental. images courtesy of: from cartoonstock.com , thanks a lot.