Channels to display warning against Ladoos after ChotaBheem found addicted.

Mr.Chota Bheem in action

After eating sweet ladoos days and nights , ChotaBheem the super hero is recently diagnosed with anxiety and uneasiness while fighting some daemons in pehelwanpur. Famous among the children, ChotaBheem’s primary source of all muscular heroic power is ladoo from TunTun aunty’s shop. Reported by a pathology lab in Dholakpur , ChotaBheem’s native town , that initial reports looks positive, he is indeed addicted to ladoos. To finish every small job he is consuming ladoo’s uncontrolled. 

BCCC has advised all TV channels to display this warning message for ladoos as they do for smoking and alcohol. Tuntun Aunty was unavailable to comment on the ingredients and sugar content percentage in the ladoos. Meanwhile RajaSahib of Dholakpur has released a press advisory for citizens and advised Bheem to switch to Spinach instead of ladoos. In past, ‘Popeye the sailor man’ one famous consumer of the green healthy vegetable Spinach was the savior of humanity.

~bd

Software Engineers applied for 14 days of vacation after Munnabhai’s got approved.

Hopeful after MunnaBhai  got two weeks of vacation, thousands of software engineers in the silicon city have applied for 2 weeks of Dusshera and Diwali holidays. It is interesting, as people do shastra puja (शस्त्र  पूजा ) on Dushera , so MunnaBhai will have to report back to Jail’s HR team before Dushera. He is not even allowed for the same puja even if he uses plastic replicas of his favorites shastra.

It has been reported from unverified sources that within minutes of this news ,HR departments in various IT companies have been approached for vacation approvals by employees specially from the backward and deprived sections of software industry, the developers and tester. 

Ramesh one such fresher software engineer along with his colleagues was joyous after he saw this news in his office cafeteria. We all thank the kind heart jailer who approved Munnabhai’s 2 week vacation said Ramesh on phone. He further added, this news has shown us new light and we are all applying for more than two weeks of parole vacation, we wish all managers are as kind and humanitarian as the jail superintendent. Another software developer Suresh Tyagi, who is getting married this October is ecstatic after this historic news .  He said  ,it was never heard before ‘a person/ prisoner going on two weeks of vacation’ , why can’t normal people go for two weeks of vacation and at least during the festival season, moreover for their own marriage, its every engineer’s basic right as munnabhai stated for prisoners.

On the eve of 2^nd October and upcoming Dushera, IT industry deprived are seeing it as  Sachai ki jeet (Triumph of truth over evil) said ShreeSanth a pastime software tester from Rajasthan. He's  already changed  his outlook email Out of office status to OOJ (outofjail) as offices are no better than jails.

Meanwhile all human and animal right organizations have welcomed this decision of allowing vacations for mood change.  Asharamji, laaloo ji and Rashidji  etc , all law abiding citizens will also apply for such vacations after consulting their lawyers as the news came in ..... 

~ONB

'Select All' should be added to EVM for upcoming elections , Tainted leaders demand

In a theatrical counter attack to the supreme court's today's order , All India Party of Socialized Criminals passed their own ordinance to include a new option [All of the Above] or [Select All option]  in the EVM machine. This will replace "None of the Above" party spokesperson confidently mentioned.

a dream EVM for the tainted...

Comment what you like...JaiHo!!

~bd...

RBI to order शुभ धन वर्षा / Shub Dhan Varsha

RBI to order ‘Shub Dhan Varsha’, to help falling rupee and lost economy. As advertised by ‘Shubh Dhan Varsha’ on Sony family  channels, makers claim that buying SDV can help in bringing Indian economy back on track. Already millions of families got benefitted using SDV. RBI has planned to install some of these SDVs in the main office of newly appointed governor, all regional head offices and to their main gold vaults. Soon a public notice will be released in order to procure around 5000 SDVs with an estimated cost of 500 crores.

Govindaji who is a famous user and promoter of this amazing gazet supports using it, in these low times, He says buying it online is very easy with cash on delivery option, it can even be returned back within 15 days using the money back guarantee , if desired results are not seen.  The advertisements show some very real life interviews of users who were once sad , tanked to the deepest lows of misery have not only regained their lost wealth but now have house full of gold and liquid money after bringing SDV to their homes.

For details watch the YouTube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB8DrNdtl4I

The founder and researcher of SDV, Shree ‘SoniJi’ and ‘Acharyaji’ give the primary reason behind its success and promising returns is worship and pleasing the richest Hindu goddess ‘Devi Lakshmi’ and her finance minister ‘Kuber’. Once goddess ‘Lakshmi’ receives  requests about a person’s sufferings on earth via the installed tool ‘SDV’, devi orders to release funds, currency and gold, jewels etc to these deprived houses. The money comes from all direction through known or unknown sources, the users don’t have to worry about that, they just need to sit idle like government.

How it works: It’s something which the manufacturer never reveals on TV, but we got these secrets found by famous scientist Dr Salunke who works in CID labs Mumbai, he analyzed SDV’s dna.  Each SDV is created with all the holy mantra and deep wealth related secrets from Hindu Vedas programmed on a micro SD card. It also has a hidden intergalactic radio transmitter, a 32 core Hintel processor and a 3 years life battery. Every nanosecond the device chants all embedded mantras which are received by centralized receiver at Neptune and finally hits Kuber’s doors.

With this news of orders of 500 crore rupees from RBI, the manufacture Mr Ramesh is very happy, and said this is just what ‘Shub dhan Varsh’ claims , prosperity everywhere. Mr Ramesh has SDV installed in his office. Another direct benefit, for individual’s buyers as RBI announced is the amount can be claimed for income tax rebates under section 80BC.

....tc

RBI* Reverse Back of  India

Disclaimer:
Above is a satire and is not intended to hurt person but its a harsh reality, emotions, invented all names and situations, Any other use of real names or background is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction.

IISC to start courses on Scams Handling, Blame Game Strategies and Public Focus Controlling.

Sensing the increasing demands from all over the political class, businessmen, babus and bureaucrats, IISC has decided to start few advance courses on Scam Planning and Handling, Public Focus Management, Focus Diversion and on few other potential subjects just before world’s biggest banana republic goes in to general elections next year.

In a press conference, the Human's Remote Development ministry Spokesperson Mr. Bhola said that they have been working on this project for past few years after 2G allocation and CWG closing ceremony. Bhola, stated, this indeed a revolutionary initiative taken for the upper class ruling elites after so much has been done recently for the strategically kept socially backward and poor class. These courses will be beneficial in preventing officials and political leaders from falling into the traps of so called honest Auditors.  These skills will also help in keeping the common man shielded from all 27X7 troublesome news. 

*IISC – Ideal institute for Scams and Corruption Studies.

Academics

The courses offered are:

Course in Advance Scam planning [SCS2014.1] – (annual intake 420 students all categories) – this course is of 14 weeks duration including 3 week lab practical, aimed at enabling students to achieve general understanding on planning, preparing and execution of scams and frauds, budget and funds allocation, provides in depth knowledge for conducting feasibility studies for large and small scale scams, playing with official numbers. Required qualification is none, must have held a post of public interest involving direct-indirect money engagements. Special stress given on inflating original bills, tickets, morphing original documents, erasing important texts from confidential Reports & Files much before inquires, Bribing etiquette's  Student exchange programs for similar activities.  

Course in Advance Blame Game Strategies [SCS2014.2]: (annual intake 210 students) – This course is of 10 weeks duration, selection based only on recommendation by ex-leaders. The course helps in excelling blaming others for all wrong doings and unpleasant things at personal, professional, communal and political level. Role based interactive teaching methodology;

Course on Public Focus Diversion & Misleading Statement making [SCS2014.3]: (Annual intake 105 students): course duration 6 months, specially compiled for national spokespersons. The course helps in understating social and integral structure of society, helps in becoming shameless hypocrite, trains in utilizing, managing media, diverting public’s attention towards issues of least importance. Special post diploma crash course on misleading statement making skills. Prerequisite is the Course[SCS2014.2] .Stress given on shaping shameless personality, behavioral development.

Course on Post Scam Enquiry Disruption Strategies Study [SCS2014.4]: Annual intake 100 students, course duration is 20 Weeks for theoretical teaching. This course is specifically designed for senior executives and old leaders. Enables student with skills in managing, controlling and disrupting any or many enquiries going on simultaneously, from their normal flow. Enriches students with skills needed for conducting useless press meetings, helps in giving communal color to normal technical scams and faults. At the end of this course students become expert in making simple enquiries to non deterministic endless investigations which are guaranteed to run more than ones life’s time.  

Note: All other course cannot be disclosed as they involve national security and communal harmony.

About Faculties:

All permanent faculties are qualified hypocrites, economists, sociologists; management gurus, all are previously acquitted bureaucrats and leaders from various parties. Visiting professors are either currently serving or under trail punishable civil case criminals. 

The entire curriculum will be funded by UGC, placements will be guaranteed at state and national level services at various departments and committees. All parties’ youth and old wings have welcomed this announcement. As expected by the time this new could have become public, registration for admission for all courses is closed (call this as a minor admission scam) Department heads are happy so far with the application submission process. There is no written or verbal examination, entrance process is fully recommendation and SOP based. It’s as per the constitution Says Mr. Bhola, because to serve the nation you need no education, presentation or debating skills, what is needed is passion. Further on short listing probable candidates he said it’s going to be more interesting expect more little  scams till the admission ends.

Some of the probable HODs : R Daja , Sanmohan Ming , Asatyam's Mr. Kaju , Giran Kadkari , Sapil Kibbal , Kuresh Salmadi.

*UGC: Universal Grant for Corruptions.

Disclaimer:
Above write up is not intended to hurt person or emotions, invented all names and situations after seeing all around. Any other use of real names or background is accidental and coincidental, or is used as a fictional depiction. Writer is an Indian and equally worried about India and against corruption. IF your personal feelings were hit please reply/comment.

Future of shopping – The Year 2030

Future of shopping – The Year 2030

In 2030 most of our kitchen appliances will surely have today’s supercomputer’s processing speed, sensitive touch screen control panels, gesture controlling and what not. With all such computing and controlling powers one thing definitely they would have is the capability to shop on their own for themselves, yes your heard it correct , appliances will do online shopping for themselves. Imagining a washing machine places online request to buy washing powder just before it is about to finish isn’t that strange.

A refrigerator placing request for vegetables by looking at the vegetable basket, their expiry date noted from the last purchase will be a normal thing. Of course such online transactions done by your appliances will be monitored and verified by you.

A person walking in a shopping mall with a mobile phone which has a sensitive GPS system and a smart application installed. As the person visits shops after shops his mobile app suggests him about the best offers to look around. His cell phone app shows him availability and deals on his preferred size shirts, trousers or any personal stuff. Of course this will be a reality before 2030.

You are a busy working woman have no time to go personally and give trails to buy new clothes for an upcoming party. You immediately log in to your favorite web site eBay. With the help of your personal 3D camera and website’s virtual ‘eBodyMeasure’ you take your measurements and create a virtual real size 3D High definition image inside your own room. Now, using website’s ‘eVirtualTrailRoom’ app you try as many as possible varieties of clothes and fashion accessories on your 3D high definition image. With the help of this app not only you can try all possibilities of clothing varieties on your 3D image whole night but you can see how you look in any particular piece be it a party wear , wedding dress , sportswear or a beach wear. You save time from trail room queues and restriction on trying only 5 items. Once you select a particular item the application which already have your nearing perfect measurements confirm and places the order.

It’s a rainy Monday evening and you have logged in to your favorite pizza website, while you are watching your pizza as its being made through a HD live streaming you can also sense smell of your pizza as well. For this you need to connect a tiny smell/fragrance generating device to your PC.

This entry is written for indiblogger’s blogging competition on Future of Shopping, sponsored by eBay...link

~BD  8/Sept/2030

Image courtesy : http://amfi.nl

Proposal to shut things at 8 PM - Indian Economy

As someone recently suggested to close petrol pumps after 8 PM to save oil consumption.

Here are few constructive suggestions IIPM (Indian Institute for Planning Money) recently collected via a public survey.

How about if all overweight politicians are banned from their evening meals after 8 PM. They can even share food with poor and contribute to FSB (food security bill). But it will be difficult to check if someone is eating too much just before 8 PM.

They can think of banning all TV programs after 8 PM , this can actually save lots of electricity (tv , set top box, fan, light etc consumption ) time , from violent news , from noisy debates and cheap comedy shows


All VIPs should travel in public transport after 8 PM. Force them to use Bicycles.

Some one suggested to remove all subsidy on food in parliament's canteen , it's heard that they get Biryani in 8 rupees.

All English Wine/Alcohol shops/bars should be shut down after 8 PM , encourage people to drink only desi. This will reduce some foreign import.

Many other suggestions are still flowing in , more will be added soon...

~The End.

Techi creates software to locate missing files from devices

Deeply inspired by the recent problem and controversy of missing Indian coal files IT professional Danny Bhupdrosviski claims to have created a software to find missing files from any device , computer , tablet or mobile phones. The software currently being validated and verified by a NGO software firm where it has showed very promising results. Primarily the software helps in recovering files which are completely forgotten and ignored but might contain valuable data. The interesting feature about the software is its search algorithm, the user don’t have to type any file name , file type , owner name , date of creation etc which are normally used by conventional search filters. The software just works, it finds the files. 

How the software works : In the first stage all such ignored files are recovered , then filtered and then get listed with a .coal file extension. The newly created file type [.coal] is carefully chosen. 

When asked Mr. Danny Bhupdrosviski  he gave reason of naming the ignored file type as .coal files , he replied carbon is the basic building elements of whole universe known or unknown , living or dead. Ultimately every things gets mixed in the mitti(soil or pochva in russian ) one day which becomes coal after millions of years and continuous pressure. So who knows if the storage media of your device unveils important data from ice age too.

Once the file list is visible , user can open these .coal files in any open source file editor. The only precautionary and cautionary advise is not to share these files with anyone be it your family , friends colleagues ,because with your personal data the new files might contain your working history on the device, what all you watched , deleted , edited , allocated or distributed.

A volunteer TanMohan Zingh (real name) from Republic of Banana who tested the beta version of this software on his tablet found astounding results , he said to have got even those files for which he was not the real custodian. Meanwhile sources say Republic of Banana is planning to impose a ban on releasing of this software in their country as it might shake the secular structure .

Disclaimer:

Above is a satire and is not intended to hurt person, emotions, invented all names and situations, Any other use of real names or background is accidental and coincidental, or used as a fictional depiction.