ALL IS NOT WELL : up in the air

If you are traveling in a plane then you ought to behave decently, at least for some hours, from your arrival to the airport in your departure city till your departure from the airport in your arrival city where, you have always behaved decently didn’t you ? Air travel is different from road travel in every ways . The technical complexities, precision, trainings and skills involved to fly a plane are superb, amaze everyone. Whenever I see any airplane it reminds me of ‘Bernoulli theorem’ which still holds true for the basis of aircraft-wing design, but do we ever get such feelings if we travel in a bus. The skills , complexity , drivers , etiquette in a bus stands nowhere close to a Pilot and airplane.

You don't care about others , about your looks , luggage's look, what you eat , how you speak inside a bus. Buses have hawkers, child hawkers who sell news papers, cold drinks, “Daal”(spicy Indian snack) , salty lemony cucumbers , mongfali (peanuts) world map printed table cloths, cheap gk books on highways. You will find them selling Ayurvedic medicines like tooth powder to strengthen your aging gums , anti vomiting pills if for some reason you don't like the diesel’s smoke smell , even cure for cancer’s is available with these pitchers, whereas here in flights it’s a different scene . they have an expert fleet of trained air hostesses and stewards. They choose their careers because they like to serve you better ,they are not like uneducated hawkers pitching in buses in that wildlife. They are fair tall healthy handsome men and beautiful English speaking ladies. And because they behave decently so are so well paid than their counterparts in Buses. It might appear a strange statement but they too don’t add any value to the society. What does an airhostess add to the plane to the society except glamor. The struggling airlines can employ these bus hawkers instead of expensive fleet ,would surely bring down their operational costs and air ticket fair. For security of passengers which is important , they can employ two air gunmen or air wrestlers , may be from sports background a win-win situation for everyone.

Anyways, my one such experience about decency in BLR to DEL flight when few raw bus mindsets boarded Bangalore’s own Airline. I remember, the plane was stationary, passengers were still coming in and settling down , decently, silently without making any kind of noise. I was surfing the channels available in that 6” small LCD screen TV comfortably on my seat. People in that flight even in the economy class looked decent, well dressed tip-top. At your first glance you could spot, formals wearing IT pros, with their always switched on laptops , even while they walking, and other good people busy with their phones , blackberries, books from business class, doctors, honeymooners, scientists,etc, Wow things mostly appear decent well placed in flights. That's not same in bus or train travel. Who will you find with you in your desi bus, train, yes shopkeepers with tons of bags, retailers, teachers, mechanics, government employees, pickpockets, thieves, policemen ,beggars, villagers , framers and everyon

 

Back in the flight, I heard them talking loud first while they were struggling to find their seats and a minute later while adjusting their bags inside the upside cabinet. I removed my headphone to know who’s shouting. So I saw them, in numbers they were four men, all aged fifty plus, looked rich, healthy size ,dressed casually in half sleeved white cotton shirts with their top two buttons unbuttoned. It was not difficult to guess origin of this spices , they all belonged to Noida, or NCR. One of them asked me in Hindi if the seat number next to mine was his, I nodded “ya” (unfortunately). This person who asked , sat next to me was wearing ½ kg gold chain which was hanging out of his shirt, gold rings , expensive watch and an iphone; his attire was speaking his real class and was indication for everyone to be just remain an observer. He started talking to someone on his iPhone probably this person on the other side couldn’t make and was not coming in the flight; they candidly exchanged abusive words, in hindi, looked like everything was fine, they laughed and hung up. Surprised me thinking, damn they didn’t even bother to cancel the tickets, who are they politicians? Builders? Underworld? I was lost.

Within minutes of their arrival they caught everybody’s attention. The one sitting next to me and other three on the back seat, started cracking jokes in desi Hindi, they laughed like movie villains, as if all their lives they have only lived for this moment and had saved their last laughs. I was not comfortable, not able to focus on to music, their loud noise hitting my eardrums badly, my frustrations touched its high when one of them loudly said “Abey #$%@$ isski height kitni hogi bey ?” (@##@#@ what will be its height? ) Of course they were not talking about the plane’s height. One of them immediately pressed the button to call the Airhostess, she came gave them a beautiful smile and said “What do you want sir? Very polite indeed, they didn’t deserve such smile, I was thinking lamely. They all laughed together and started some stupid meaningless conversation in English; they were all handcuffed in English so they moved to hindi with her. The line which I heard clearly was, “Khaney mein Kya hai ji ? “ (What’s in the food/dinner/menu? Tonight ). “Holly plane”, I almost jumped of my seat as I heard this line, I don’t think if anybody has ever asked this question in such an idiotic, desi way and that too when the boarding had just begun ,plane was still stationary Other passengers started taking notice of them and few were uncomfortable. I think senior citizens Mr.and Mrs. Iyer next to them were badly affected, they must have been thinking to cancel their Agra trip to visit Taj Mahal.

To this question , air hostess replied that we will serve food in another 30 minutes or so, she opened the welcome pouch which every passenger gets for free,had a tiny menu card. The men, all looked satisfied and happy. Something I felt, if they were drunk for sure when I heard their raunchy, lousy very straight offensive remarks about the air hostess that left me stunned, others probably didn't understand their raw hindi and accent, or just ignored like me, I cannot write here what they said and I was surprised with their ages.

Gourmet Dinner up in the Air:

What to do now, my 3 hours seemed to be going in despair. I was scared if they start any such conversation with me and ask for my views , what if they beat me for any reason and any panic happens in plane. No drama till they started serving the food. These crazy 4 were served with non vegetarian food, 1 little piece of chicken tickka masala , 1 tandoori roti , 1 cup of salad, 1 small bowl of steamed white rice, something in sweets and a coffee. Immediately on opening the foiled dinner pack the quadruple went crazy, on seeing the quantity of food was so less. They pressed the bell continuously which the crew ignored because they were still serving the food and their cart had blocked the aisle. The oldest of the four stood up confidently and started calling her “Oh madam ji come on here”, people do this in desi dhabbas, yelling at the waiters mostly on children for their orders. Madam ji turned back and walked to our seat, I mean to theirs seats, old men said, “यो खाना तो बोत कम है जी मेंडम | ऐसा करो ३-३ रोटी और चिकन मसाला और ले आओ जी (this is very less for us , get more Roti and more chicken masala) Madam replied in Hindi , I am sorry sir, we only have very specific quantity of food for every passenger. Old men shouting for their righteous meal (दीखता नहीं के ,इस से भूक मिटजागी ?) don’t you see, is this quantity sufficient ? Seeing this madam ji’s faced turned pale or red, but somehow she managed the moment and said “OK” I will see if we have extra roti , I will bring them for you. Old uncle stopped for a second and shouted at her back again, madam “हमारा एक आदमी आया नहीं जहाज में उस्णी थाली लेआओ , टिकिट बुक है उसका “ one of our friend didn’t come, whose ticket is booked ,so bring us his share of food.Now this drama was being watched by everyone; the old men kept shouting at the crew even after that, they called them cheaters, abused roughly.The crew was obviously worried and very unhappy at this behavior. I thought of saying ,बुढे तेरी माँ है क्या यह जो अभी गरम रोटियां सेक के लायेगी”. Later in the feedback form, I wrote what happened in the flight, I mentioned seat numbers of crazy 4, described the inconveniences it caused to us and demanded an strict action against them. Few suggestions I clearly mentioned.

1. check if the passengers are drunk or if they are first timers in plane.
2. Install a Tandoor in plane, so they can cook more roti on demand.
3. mention the exact food quantity of food on booking ,so no misconception in air.
4. stop the plain in mid air for such passengers; so they can go out for dhabas.

Imagine , air hostess making tandoori roti and chicken masala above 2000 feet, will be exotic and fun; but for sure our flight missed one wrestler or a gunman that day, who could sedate them, good way to avert any mess in sky. By the way no one from airline ever contacted me , I thought would reach me for some appreciations for the feedback. I was actually reading sometime back George Washington’s rules of civility and decent behavior in public life when the thought about these old men came, who broke the rule "Do not laugh too loud or too much at any public spectacle" what do you think ? What I wrote was my real first hand experience, How you behave with others in public really matters irrespective of your wealth and position in society.

~bd