Best Practices : Leaving Early Today

Ramesh and Suresh work in different projects in the same company. Ramesh is cheerful, though have health related issues always; but still enjoying his life, personal and professional both to the fullest.  Suresh on the other side is in a different project is good too, but as if, he is not enjoying life to its fullest. He takes useless things seriously and ignores the real ones. Ramesh falls sick very often but recovers very soon, Suresh never falls sick. He never takes any sick leave. Ramesh by the way, exhausts his quota of sick leaves in the very first quarter of the year itself , poor cheerful Ramesh. Ramesh wears spectacles, his eyes have power, though his eye sight is weak. Suresh’s eyes are 6/6, meaning, his optical sight is perfect but his logical sight not, it seems.  He cannot foresee things. So does he have dark circles too? Yes. 

Then what’s that keeping Ramesh so happy and Suresh so grumpy in office and at home, no apparent tangible differences. But there some are in reality.

Actually Ramesh spends comparatively 30% less time in office then Suresh each day. A behavioral study done over Ramesh and Suresh suggests that, this extra time spent by Suresh in the office was primary reason keeping Ramesh so happy ever youthful, even though Ramesh and Suresh are completely unrelated subjects. Ramesh and Suresh don’t even know each other’s existence. Key is -> every day , Ramesh's subconscious mind knows that it spent around 3 hours less time in office. So its his over conscious mind, makes sure that today he should behave very alert and smart in office. This alertness, asking obvious questions repeatedly attitude towards the boss made Ramesh a very smart and favored employee. On the similar lines, Suresh too gets rewarded every evening for his hard work but by new additional work, which is even harder. Ramesh knows reward of hard work is more hard work. And you think as if only Suresh gets the damn easy work. So now any help for Suresh ? The remote study done over Ramesh surprised everyone with his various foolproof tricks stored in his subconscious closet. It helped him lately in enjoying the evening life at home. The crux is in ,leave office early and show up late next morning without getting caught ever. So here are the tricks.

When leaving Office early:

 by virtue of arranged callbacks:

By 3:00 pm sms your wife to call you back right in the middle of some meeting. You act as there is something really very urgent that needs your presence at home.If your wife calls at your colleague's cell phone , asking for you and mentions that your phone is not reachable, is even better. This will add more weight in your dear wife’s emergency call. Your colleagues would surely feel that it’s a real life emergency. It cannot surely be planned. 

SMS your wife to switch off her phone or to take out the battery. So her phone will not be reachable. And you in office become worried and tensed, because your wife is not picking up the phone. Tell your boss that you had a little argument last night and this will scare your boss too.And he will call his wife too. For a double check ask your boss to keep dialing your wife’s phone number. While everyone trying your wife's number you leave for the day. Create other tricks with slight variations in objects and their roles.  

by virtue of sickness/illness

1.   Tell you are still sick, worked whole night for office from home; add you had a bad weekend. Cough loudly (make sure you are heard), sneeze loudly , ask your colleagues to touch your forehead if you have fever, rub your eyes till red color. Keep some medicines, cough syrup bottle, even old; empty ones, will give the desired look, on your desk, set all the environment variables.

2.     Mother in law fell in bathroom; so need to repair the bathroom and her to take to doctor for consultation this evening.

3.    Child has to get vaccination and wife is sick, double emotional attack.(no one counts vaccination terms so solid one.)

4.      You/your wife/kid/mother have Toothache, need to visit the dentist, root canal, tooth extraction (ugh)

5.    Going to receive ever sick mother- in- law at airport and then have hospital visit in evening. In one day advance discuss how your boss’s mother-in law is. This will concrete your claim and set environment.

6.     Call your teammates for the 3:00 pm tea at the cafeteria, suddenly a planned phone call from your sick wife and you give poor looks , run away asap from your team tea party; tell them while you are running  to tell the boss that your wife is sick and you left for the hospital/home/~movie.

7.    As you participated in corporate sports day, you still have problems with knee/ankle/toe /elbow/ back; so you need to go for X-Ray (Ouch)  MRI (o,God).  Now this one needs advance planning, walk lame in office, and tell everyone how you won the consolation prize in race last month and got injured.   Wear an extremely large visible bandage, apply some turmeric paste, and paint it yellow.            

      Don’t forget to spray smelly pungent ointment over it, allow every nose to smell your injured ankle. 

by virtue of Other errands...

1. Mason/Electrician/Painter/ LPG gas wala /Welder/Passport verification Officer/LIC agent/ Plumber/ coming in to look at problem in bathroom/kitchen/bedroom/store/etc....

2.  Need to pick Car/bike/Cycle from servicing workshop; otherwise you will come late tomorrow.

Remember in all of the above categories, don’t forget to make a promise to your boss that if possible you will be back in an hour or so, else you will check the mails from home…late night.  

When coming oFFicE late? 

1.     Bangalore/Noida/Delhi/Mumbai traffic sucks, explain how worse at one particular signal it was, it took you around 45 minutes to cross that and then traffic police stopped you.

2.    No water since last night in your apartment. Explain in detail, discuss kaveri river water  issue as well right there.

3.     You have motions, and was planning to take leave but still came to office (your boss will be happy) run to the restroom a few times every thirty minutes (but make sure you are seen by your boss) , be so lame that your boss offers you to drop at home, that’s a winner.

4.      Parents- Teacher’s meeting happened (every week) at this school.

5.      Electricity bill/Phone bill/Cable/Gas/Water/BBMP/Income Tax/Road Tax/Insurance/ etc took your time, then blame the large part of it on the traffic wherever you can.

6.      Maid didn’t show up today, wife not well, so you cooked breakfast and feed the kids.

7.    Theft incident took place in your apartment, you chased the thief till around 10K, explain that you were about to catch him but the cramp in your ankle (ouch), looks like you will leave early today.

8.      Someone snatched your wallet which had ATM card, credit card driving license etc, you chased him and got the wallet back.

9.      Snake or crocodile baby found in apartment’s kid’s park (it might be an earthworm or a lizard in reality) but you need to make up a story, get the hell out of your colleagues in the office, create an NGeo episode.

Some other good to follow secrets are…

1.   Always keep few files/folders/heavy books, manuals, research papers etc on your desk, around your desktop, it gives your desk a busy appearance, your co-workers at a first glance feel that you are already in and somewhere around , gone for break or something. 

2.   The moment you arrive in office, before login into your desktop, jump to your colleague’s desk, start any random discussion about the project as if you were thinking it whole night, and you are late because of the complexities in the implementation.

3.   Never ever feel sorry, ashamed and give clarifications unless you are asked for coming late.

4.  Always keep an extra jacket, sweater in office, hang it on the back of your chair as if you are already around and have just gone for coffee, or leave an old bag at desk, fill it with some useless papers. It means you have still not gone, you are around.

5.   Keep the status of your office communicator either always away/available/invisible/do not disturb. This won’t give others any hints about your actual state. If you’ve already left early, people will think you are coming back. Never ever send emails that you are leaving early most important.

There can exist many more such useful guidelines which have helped needy people in all situations, Its your comfort to choose one either like Ramesh or Suresh. But remember the quote “Leaving work early is like a present that you can open again and again”….. Anonymous

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~bd

Disclaimer & Thanks :Names are really fictitious; these two names are one of those with whom I never worked in past 7 years, still all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, experiences, living or dead is purely coincidental. images courtesy of: from cartoonstock.com , thanks a lot.